Home is wherever I'm with you.

I don’t go for cutsy stuff very much. I mean, no pictures of cats or dogs. Babies should ALWAYS be clothed during a photo shoot. (Home pictures are a different story.) I don’t even like to use the word “cute.” Everything from babies to boys to buttons is described as being “cute.” Let’s be a little creative here. And I don’t care if you think your kid is the most adorable thing or so unbelievably talented; chances are they really aren’t. (But it’s good that you think so, because you have to live with them for the next 50 years or so.)

But every once in awhile there will come a good video with kids that defies the odds. I’m thinking of classics like this one. And this one is just ridiculously amusing. And if you haven’t seen this hilarious video series, where have you been living for the past five months? (And for the record, I hate the “Charlie bit my finger” video. It’s dumb.)

But this video is probably one of the most adorable things to hit YouTube. I love it and the song. Even though it’s a love song, it works very well as a father-daughter song. Watch it and you’ll see.

To the Phlebotomist

(AKA guy who took my blood today),

You were really nice. And actually pretty good looking. And when you asked that fatal question, you had no chance.

You asked what people normally ask when they find out I’m a transplant: “How do you like Utah?”

I tried to warn you.

“Are you sure you really want to know?”

You were polite and smiled and said, “It’s okay. I’m not a local.”

Well, that was your mistake. Actually, it was my mistake to not just nip the initial question in the bud and say, “Oh, it’s fine,” just like everyone does.

Instead, I gave you an earful that probably more than you ever wanted to know. And with each word that came out, I could feel the chances of you asking for my number dwindling taking a sudden swan dive into the Pit of Despair.

You graciously listened to all my mumblings and ramblings. You, as a Californian, knew how Utah culture was different. You even said that you felt the same way before you moved closer to campus. What a kind soul you are to let a girl talk your ear off like that.

I just wanted to say that I’m really not that negative. You just caught when right after a tough day at work…okay, so maybe that’s not entirely true, but I was really tired and you had just stuck an uncomfortable needle into my arm. I really don’t remember everything I said; I just rambled on about nothing. Even your questions about my book, The Princess Bride, caught me off guard, and I muddled through the answers.

I’m really a fun person. Really. I know, like, five people who think I'm hilarious. Just don’t ask me about my work, my living situation, my social life or anything of the like; those answers aren’t positive ones. But I need to learn to not be so honest so I don’t chase off nice people like you.

So, here’s to you, guy who could have made me the subject of one awesome 80s song. I’m pledging to be more positive in my conversations. And then maybe next time you take my blood, it will be a more pleasant experience for the both of us.

Don't Make Me Divorce You

Dear unknown significant other of the distant yet eternal variety,

If you don't call me "wifey," I won't call you "hubby." Because "hubby" doesn't even make sense. It should really be "husby," but that just sounds worse.

"Babe" is also grounds for divorce.

Deal? Deal.

Cordially,

ME



*This post was not ripped from you, my friend. Though it may appear to be. :)
**I often think of rants in terms of "Dear ...."
***Shut up. I know I'm weird.

I survived.

I survived my first snowshoeing adventure.

I know you were all really worried. 'Cause I told you all of course. And you fear for my safety as anyone should.

I live in the most winter sport friendly area of the country, and I haven't so much as gone sledding in all these years. Mostly, I just admire the snow when it's falling and curse it when I had to walk or drive in it.

But now I have seen the error of my ways. Naturally.

But just as an FYI, it is best to keep to the trails. Not doing so and continuing to climb the mountain will leave your non-snow friendly pants (i.e. jeans) very wet. And if the snow underneath your foot gives way, it's best to just go with it, even if it means [gracefully] falling face first into the snow...in front of the whole group. AND if you can't get up, just kind of roll around until you're in a position to do so...again, in front of the whole group. Just FYI.

[Here I am during my survival trip. It was a bit chilly. And I dyed my hair for the occasion.]