When I'm 23

So, I may or may not have gotten older recently. No big deal. I still feel like I'm an awkward 16-year-old, trying hard to be liked by her peers and figuring out what to do with my life. (Actually, I don't think I was that concerned with that second point at that age just yet.)

Anyway, last year I created a list of things to do in the next year. And I opened up my list last month and was shocked by the things that I had listed (I think you may be too). So, in the past month, I've been trying to do what I can. Yeah...that didn't turn out so great.

So, here it is. My list. Don't judge me my silliness or stupidity...or laziness. I've got a lot of growing up to do.

23 Things to Do When I'm 23

1. Run a 5K.
2. Double my savings account
3. Go on a date. Well, considering my previous yearly average was 0, I exceeded expectations by dating someone.
4. Sing more. The car counts, right?
5. Read one book per month. Rekindling a lost love is hard.
6. Learn how to moonwalk. I should have done this one when I was dating a person who knows how to moonwalk.
7. Finish my cross-stitch. Maybe next year?
8. Establish (good) credit. Wells Fargo, you've rejected me again.
9. Eat a King Kong Cone from Macey’s. I discovered this year that I don't really like ice cream.
10. Go swimming twice (and the hot tub doesn’t count).  I kind of hate swimming, so this was good.
11. Hike the Y again and watch the sun set.
12. Add 23 recipes to my recipe cards. Hmm...I think I added seven. And then I got Pinterest, which is now my digital recipe book.
13. Make a cake. Completed this on Sunday. And it is dang good. Bam! Now I just need people to help me eat it.
14. Read the entire Book of Mormon. Well, there was this one time I tried to read it in five days. I didn't make it past day 2.
15. Do more genealogy.  Pretty sure my ancestors hate me.
16. Watch 23 new movies off of AFI’s Top 100 Movies of All Time. I watched three, bringing my total for the list to 40 (though there are some movies I need to watch again because I saw them as a child).
17. Attend 2 concerts.  Lea Solanga was amazing.
18. Re-establish communication with 5 friends. Eh...I did this halfway.
19. Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Another post to come about this.
20. Complain less and do more. This has been terribly difficult these past four months.
21. Tour Welfare Square and the Humanitarian Center. I think this is on here because I thought I'd be across the country by now, so I had to hit up all the Utah tourist things before I left.
22. Find out what I want to do with my life. Still figuring that out. However, I know I don't want to be a magazine designer.
23. Fit comfortably into those jeans again. (And that skirt. And shirt.) Score on all accounts.

The times, they are a changin'

Once upon a time, there was a world before Facebook. In this world, you called people to find out what was happening in their lives, know when to meet them for dinner, and know where they were moving. They contacted you personally when they were in a relationship or got engaged. Baby announcements were actual mailed announcements and not updates on the mother's bodily functions. (So, you're xx cm dilated...TMI. T.M.I.) And your real friends wished you a happy birthday without a reminder glaring at them from a computer screen because they remember your birthday on their own. (And you didn't receive random, meaningless happy birthday greetings from people you barely know.)

How times have changed.

I shouldn't complain because Facebook is a somewhat of a blessing for people like me who are terrible at keeping in touch, but there are many negative aspects to it that I don't like. Mainly, how impersonal it all is. Sometimes people seem robotic, doing things without really thinking about it. "Oh, this video's trending; I'll repost it so I'm not left out." "Or this person just had something good happen. I should give them the standard 'congratulations.'" It's not, "Oh, I should call them." Or, "Maybe I should face my problems instead of Facebooking them."

We're becoming such a distant people, interacting virtually rather than personally. Because it's easier. Well, this is part of the reason our world is such a mess. We're forgetting how hard things really are because everything else is easy. Relationships of all kind take work. They take time, patience and nurturing. And no amount of Facebook stalking will give you a true relationship. That's the truth. You know it. And I know it.

So what are we going to do about it?

Farewell

As anyone who has known me since middle school can tell you, I have a song for everything. You say one word and it'll trigger a song. It used to drive my friends crazy. I've mellowed out since then, but I have my moments.

But you know that feeling you get when you find a song that describes what you are feeling absolutely perfectly? It's just this feeling of...relief. A feeling that you are not alone in your crazy emotions. Someone else gets you. And they are talented enough to put it into words with beautiful music. And sometimes it breaks you. And that's okay because you need to break and learn to put yourself together again.

Well, yesterday, as I tried to keep myself busy, Pandora sent me this gift.





And it wasn't until today that it broke me. And lead me to do something dumb, girlish and not me. Well, it could have also been the copious amounts of Gilmore Girls clips I watched online last night. Because no girl can get enough of Lorelai and Rory, especially during the difficult times of life. And because they speak the truth.

"Because sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't because the words won't come out, or you get scared, or you feel stupid. But if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you needed to say, and it would be beautiful, and people would listen, and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be song writers, so some of us will never get the chance to say what we're thinking, or what we want other people to know that we're thinking, so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever."

-Rory Gilmore
("Love, Daisies and Troubadours")

Good morning, Heartache

So here's the deal about heartache.

I've been through it before. I know it gets better. Life goes on. But, you know, sometimes I don't want to be told that. Who wants to be told something they already know?

Sometimes you just want to be sad. You want to wallow for a day...or week. The sadness comes and goes. Your mood changes. Sometimes the song of the day is something sad by The Weepies, and sometimes it's something upbeat by Snow Patrol.

For me, there was a lot of Snow Patrol those first two weeks. Then there were bouts of non-stop The Weepies, Jessie J's "Domino," and "They Can't Take That Away From Me" (which just so happens to be one of my favorite songs ever).

See, I'm fine. I've done this before and I can do it again. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I put myself in fictional situations that I know will never happen (think Tom and the party scene in 500 Days of Summer). But it's nothing that I can't handle.

I'll find someone else to take me to England. And someone else to culture with old movies and music. And someone else who loves Harry Potter just as much as I do. I'll find someone else.

And two years from now, I'll know why it all happened. Just like last time.