Thursday, October 14, 2010

How did I get here?

The past few days, I’ve been asking myself that question: “How did I get here?” More specifically, how did I get to this point in my life. I don’t remember growing up. When did college end? When did I get an adult job, making stuff for huge companies? I’m a career woman. Whoa. Who trusted me with that responsibility? And my car—I drive a car. My own car. I paid for it. I’m in charge of keeping it in working condition (speaking of which, it’s way overdue for its check-up).

And Utah. Why am I still here? Not my first choice. Or my tenth…or twentieth. How did I wind up here, living on my own (-ish—I still have roommates) and taking care of myself. Sometimes I'll just walk out of work and think, "This isn't my life. It's all a dream." (Thank you, Leo!)

This week I really miss being a college student. No, I don’t miss the homework or the tests. I miss the people. I miss having my friends surround me and live nearby. I miss staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning just because (or because of some homework). I wake up at 8am every morning. Ugh. I know it could be worse, but really I miss having flexibility in my life. Now my life is structured by work. I can’t spend 10 days at home for Christmas break because I have to come back and work. I will miss New Year’s with my family. I will be lucky to spend 5 days with them. I can’t just pick up and take a roadtrip. Vacation days are carefully planned and allotted, especially when you work in a very small office.

I haven’t grown up yet. I’m still growing. But I’m being pushed into a grown-up world—one that feels even more restrictive than the college world. I used to envy those who just worked all day and didn’t worry about school. Now, I envy those darn, crazy college kids with all their friends and freedom and fun. I hope I don’t have to work my entire life. And if I do, I will be so powerful and high up that I can do whatever I want. I can travel and take time off of my own choosing. Or maybe I’ll just freelance. That’s looking mighty appealing…

Sorry, dear two readers, for such a downer post. Next time, I’ll look for a more light-hearted topic to brighten the mood.


tash said...

I was missing college the other day too. Sorry being an adult isn't as fun as they make it out to be. :)

Lindsay said...

I feel you. I have flexibility in my life, but I still miss the social aspect of college. If you ever feel like it you can call an old roommate who has also been pushed into the adult world and we can reminisce together!

Lindsay said...

I miss school a lot, too. It's still weird to me that BYU is in the past. How DID we get to this point?