Sunday, July 15, 2012

Good water

Prior to this blog, I wrote (sporadically) on other blog of mine that I titled “Song of the Day.” While I love music, I wasn’t confident in my opinion, so I discontinued that blog and started this one a few years later.

I found a post I had saved from that blog about the song “Heart of the Matter” by Don Henley. It’s a fantastic song (best version is here). And during that period in my life, I lived by it. Don wrote the song after his divorce. It is all about forgiveness when you have been hurt deeply by someone you love. This is what the song meant to me at that time:

“This month has been kind of an emotional month for me. Not emotional in the sense that I’ve been crying a lot and being dramatic. I’ve had to let a friendship go. I’ve had to move on. I’ve lost the trust I placed in a person I would have trusted my life with. And it’s been difficult. But I am moving on. I came to a realization the other week that I don’t need that person in my life. I don’t want them in my life right now. I’ve learned what I’ve need to learn. They aren’t what I need now. Maybe sometime down the line, we can be friends again, but not now. Especially not now.

“I’m happy to come to this bittersweet conclusion after months of trying to figure it out. The following song is one that has carried me through these months that I’ve allowed myself to be put through….

“While my circumstances are not as extreme as a divorce, I definitely relate to this. Especially the chorus….The more I do learn, the less I do understand why. Why they took the actions that they did. Why now? Why not?

“It is all about forgiveness, which I’ve come to learn these past months. Up until this last month, I thought I had the forgiveness part covered. Slowly anger and resentment have crept into my attitude (ex. I woke up this morning with a line from a Carrie Underwood song in my head: “Took a Louisville slugger to both headlights” because I’ve been tempted…). I’ve been angry. I’ve been angry because my trust was destroyed along with a friendship. I mean, I don’t talk to this person at all anymore. I hate that. But I don’t want to talk to this person anymore because of their actions.

“The lesson in church on Sunday was on forgiveness. It’s what I needed. I need to forgive. Again. I need to let it go. Not worry about it. “A bitter fountain cannot bring forth good water.” Getting angry doesn’t do anything for me. It just holds me back from my full potential and from moving on. So I’m working on letting go. I know Heavenly Father can help me with that because He has before. I’m working on letting Him help me.” -June 17, 2009

It's incredibly eerie how similar my situation is to that of exactly three years ago. I remember that lesson in church and who taught it. I shared my current struggle with forgiveness as vaguely as I could. I ended up crying. But I'm so very grateful that I have that time to look back on and know that I'll be okay--that things will be okay and that I can do anything, even really hard stuff like cutting ties with a friend. Or forgiving. Or moving on.

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