Dear unknown significant other of the distant yet eternal variety,
If you don't call me "wifey," I won't call you "hubby." Because "hubby" doesn't even make sense. It should really be "husby," but that just sounds worse.
"Babe" is also grounds for divorce.
*This post was not ripped from you, my friend. Though it may appear to be. :)
**I often think of rants in terms of "Dear ...."
***Shut up. I know I'm weird.